The Epstein Class; potentially triggering

The Epstein files are weighing heavy. We knew they would. We know there's more to come. And yet, no matter how heavily it weighed on my sternum, the actuality is twisting down harder than I thought it would.

It comes back to the ties with so many powerful people. These are people that captured the most effective reins of our current society: money, and government.

And they stewed in pedophilia. They practiced behavior, either with or around people who were practicing pedophilia.

Think about sex before hormones

If you've ever had sex you didn't really want, what gets centered isn't the sensation, and it isn't the gaze and sense of being seen, it isn't the non-existent release. What gets centered is the smell.

Sex does not smell good until/unless it gets associated with the other aspects. Sex, without that association, smells bad. It stinks, and it's a stink that sticks in the back of your throat. Oily and vaguely fungal, sticky and slimy. It's there before the touches begin, and it's there far after the touches end. Alone, it's retched, in that it makes you want to retch. Siloed from the other aspects of sex, it's wretched, in that it erases all sense of happiness.

This is always an aspect of pedophilia. It's an act of convincing someone – someone too young to be entranced by the sensations that are hormone-sparked – that the thing associated with that stank is good to do.

It's like convincing someone to eat rotten meat.

The target has to be convinced, somehow, to stay as the stank enters. They have to be convinced that this is a person of authority, that they have to maintain composure no matter their urge to skitter away. They have to be convinced that every line crossed is no big deal, until "suddenly" there are genitals involved – the source of the stank.

There is a message – body, gaze, attitude, vocalized – that you chose this by never skittering away. Look at all the lines, all the opportunity you had. You chose this by accepting authority, even as they went too far. You chose this, so now you have to live with it. You chose this, so you want it. You chose this, so you have to keep it until the perpetrator gets bored.

Think about the skills being developed

What the Epstein class has surfaced is that we need to consider pedophilia less as an act of perversion, and more as a practice.

They are practicing how to assert unwanted, w/retched authority. They are doing it to brains that are barely learning how to control their assertions of agency – just barely learning how to be "good girls and boys". They are doing it in an act that is vaguely and then expressly disgusting, and then painful.

In doing this to these barely-forming people, they are learning how to convince others that agency isn't relevant, disgust is something to work through, and pain is meaningless. They are learning to bend people to subsume their self-preservation against a sense of long-term survivability. And they are learning how to convince people to not only accept that it's happening, but to frame it as their agency, so that any sense of disgust and pain are reflected back at themselves instead of the perpetrator.

They are learning how to see spirit break, information fail, and will subsume. And then they are following that with sexual release.

Just like how adult sex becomes less about the stank and more about hormones, sensation, and the anticipated release, it all becomes all of a piece. The smell becomes anticipatory.

Seeing people break becomes anticipatory.

Everyone who associated with the core of practitioners learned by association. Pedophilia is the extreme practice scene; the same dynamics and behavior get used elsewhere. Seeing the same dynamics and behavior in motion, getting what they want, and those stewing in the community without actually practicing themselves are still learning the patterns.

This is what weighs heavy on my mind and heart as the extensive community of power centered on this practice emerges.